Feelings That I Go Through.

I don't know where to go,
I don't konw where to turn,
These feelings that i go through,
They really, really burn.

The way you make me feel,
It seems just like a dance,
But given this is real,
It's no more up to chance.

These descicions that i make,
They're really hard to do,
My love for you's not fake,
That's really, really true.

I no more need to hide,
For you're my protection,
And when you're at my side,
I feel a real connection.

Even though she hates me,
It's only an opinion,
You're love for me is free,
So she's commiting the sin.

Even though you love me,
Even though you care,
She's still gonna hate me,
So it just doesn't seem very fair.

But right now i'm confused,
On just how i should think,
So though i feel abused,
I fear i'm on the brink.

A brink of all insanity,
A brink of all my hopes,
I just want to scream a profanity,
But instead, i just cope.

So for now i'll go on loving,
The man i love so dear,
But if my feelings keep on shoving,
My heart shall rip i fear.

[This was written at the begining of august.]

[i woke up one night and wrote it down.]

[written about ajz and _ _ _ _ _]

Today is the Day.

Today is the day I’m letting you know
Today is the day I’m letting my feelings show
You know you’re important to me
You know you’re the only one I see
And yet I feel ashamed by my delay
For I have not let my feelings convey
To you, even though I know I should all the time
And now I feel as though I‘ve committed the crime
But today is the day I’m not going to fear
For today is the day I’m not going to let go here
Because you know how I feel inside
Yet I can’t tell you because of my pride
So now I want you to know
All about my life and how you can’t go
If you were to leave me here alone
I would still continuously check my phone
Just incase you changed your mind
Even though I know what I’d find
A blank screen with no new movement
And slowly I’d lose my mind just to prove it
So now you see why you must stay here
Because I’ll forever need you near
My hand will become cold and lonely
And my nose with twinge for your scent only
Tomorrow you may leave me which would find
Myself to be deaf and blind
And yet I will long to be there
To stand at your locker forever
Or to color Carebears with a rainbow
A rainbow you may not know
But that doesn’t matter to me at all
For I’ll take you just the way you are
The person I fell for one night
Though it was Friday the 13, I saw your light
You were there for me and on that day
And now, just to keep you I’d get on my knees and pray
Because today is the day you will learn
Today is the day your old memories will burn
I see you and you see me
What more could we ask for possibly?
Life itself is just a big game
But now that I have you I feel like fame
I still can’t believe you like me
Despite what others may see
When I’m with you I’m as happy as can be
So why do they try to take you from me?
You’re not a bad person today
Yet they want to take you away
So can you promise me you’ll always be with me?
Can you guarantee you’ll only set me free
On the day you no longer have a need
For me, or no longer a need for speed
For I make a vow to you
to help you until you’re through
With needing me, with wanting me forever
Though I promise my love is not a lever
Yet I will stop when you do
And that promise I will hold true
So today is the day you wound out how I live
Today is the day I let my feelings give
You and answer to an unasked question
So I’ll be here, needing your protection
Until the day when we part our ways alone
Which will be the day I will return home

[Written around march 25]

[Written about AJZ]

Unseen Love

Everyday i see your face in the hallway

yet i look down,

ashamed to conveyany feelings,

to you from me

because you are all that i see

my heart beats faster at every second's end

as i pace the hall, not wanting to pretend

that i see you, but wanting to look away

to gaze into your eyes in such a way

to think that someday all you'll do

is search for me,

the way I search for you

because i go out of my way

hundreds of times every single day

on the off chance i could see you there

you smile even if you're not fully here

you always wave at me to let me know

that everyday as you come and go

you can spend five seconds on me

just so that I can be happy

when i'm around you my stomach goes crazy

when i look at, my breathing gets hazy

As i fall asleep, all i can see is you

someday, i hope all you can see is me, too

i want to be near you at all cost

but in a battle of love and war i have lost

soon you'll be gone, away from here

and all i'll want is to be with you, to be near

when asked how you are, about your day

the only answer i ever recieve is okay

which can only make me feel bad

because i'd never want you to be mad

if you asked i would do anything to grace

if it would put a smile on your face

your colors are dark but i see a light

when i'm with you, i climb to a new height

you make me happy, everytime i see you

and when you see me, i see you smile too

a sense of relief washes over my when i find

you there, seemingly looking for me,

soft and kind

when your tired,

all i can be is a comforting shoulder

hoping all your thinking is

'i want to hold her'

with conversation always kidding and thoughtful

everything i tell you will always be heartful

what would i do without you and your smile

everyday just to see it i'd walk a mile

i may resist hugs somedays for fear

of never being able to let go here

forgetting to breathe in your presence

isn't uncommon, life's about you in a sence

right now, as i close my eyes

all i see is you, and it's no suprise

i don't know why boys make me feel

funny, all i know is i love you like steal

even though i can't, i do, a thousand times over

for now and forever, untill my life is over.

Every second of everyday
You're the one in everyway
You're the one when i close my eyes
The one that i see everyday and everynight
And eveytime the stars shine bright
Every time that my thoughts turn grey
Youre the one i see in every way
You're the one when my eyes cry out
You the on that i think about
Every action in my life
Brings me to greif without your life
So save me now from all my despair
And say you'll always be with me here

[Written around Nov. 10]

[Written about Nathaniel]

[Used for Speech Contest last year]

This is the Day

Whenever I'm near you
All I hope is that you’re true
Something so simple and yet complex
Led me to hope that our love was convex
And when I'm with you
All I want is to be near you
But I stay back-afraid
To hurt you today
Because soon you'll be gone
And I'll be all-alone
And when you are gone
I'll have to move on
And this will be the day that I cry
For this will be that day that I die on the inside
For when you walk away from here
I'll have to move on with no fear
I'll have to live with just myself
Even though you left with only myself
For there will come a day
When you will have to say
"What did I let go?"
And that is when you will know
So what are you going to say?
On that fateful day
When you see me standing alone
On the sidewalk by my home
When you stop to say 'hi'
And yet I just walk by
Because that is what you let go
Someone who you didn't know
You will see me standing there
And you will realized you've always cared
But somewhere inside of this small girl
My strength will brim and will boil
And I will be able to walk away
From all that I waited for that day
And that is the day you will cry
This is the day you will die on the inside
And you will watch me walk away
There and then and on that day
This will be when you apprehend
That I was all you wanted, now and then
And now that I'm gone you will fear
That the day you will die will soon be here
And you will have to understand

That this is the day our love will end

[Written about a year ago]

[Written about Nathaniel]

So What?

So what if everyday I end up curled into a scared little ball?
So what if my life seems to drag on between each study hall?
Those are the days that I get to see you
But those are the days I see you with her, too
Who cares if I'm a little jealous of her?
Who'd miss me if I didn't exist anymore?
You'd have her so it's not like I'd be missed
So I'll just go die now and hope you're not pissed
Pissed at who I am
Pissed at what I am
Its like "She had her chance"
And now she's ruining my one chance at romance!
Yes its true
I do love you
But…some days when I see you
And then I see you see her too
Its like I don't even exist
And she's the one who stole your kiss!
She is the only reason I'm ever scared
She the only one about whom you've ever cared
You say you're over her
Well then prove it to me, mister
Tell me I'm all that you see
Tell me that it's always been me
Don't lie
Don't cry
Just set me free
If you don't want me
You say she's your best friend
And that I'm your girlfriend
But how can I compare
To a girl with those eyes and that hair
But just when I want to give up hope
You do something that makes my heart choke
You do care I suppose
But she ruins me as she goes
She doesn't know
Or does she though?
Its like she knows that it kills me inside
And that is why she's hurting my pride
You don't even care
When she gives me that death glare
You just smile at her
Probably wishing you'd have chosen her!
You don't even pretend to listen
When I tell you with conviction
That I'm scared for my life
You think this is a joke in strife
You don't look me in the eye
When you tell me not to cry
Are you laughing at me?
How could this be?
You look at me in a way that's heartfelt
Ways that each time makes my heart melt
But then I realize something important
That I'm sometimes the one who's ignorant
To what we have here
That everything I do I want you near
So how can I get mad at you?
When I do those same things, too?
So now I'll try to stop
If it means that I'm the faithful one who comes out on top
Because though it kills me to see her with you
When you aren't near me, when you aren't true
I understand that you loved her
And I know that you come with her attached
But does she have to hate me?
When all I ever did was make you happy?
So I will not give up
I will not let this girl come between us
I long to hate you everyday
But when I see you, that hate melts away
Leaving nothing but pure joy
For when I see you, I know you're my boy
This is the reason why I will try
To live on my own with you near by
She is something I must overcome
But with you at my side it can be done
I love you in an unconditional way
And I know that with me you will stay
Even if she is your best friend
Your trials and tribulations will end
I will always be here for you forever
As I was when she said 'never'
To you and your friendship that night
I was here when you wanted someone to hold you tight
And I will be here, at your side
Continuously standing here after she has lied
To you again and again
For when you are done with her and ready to begin
A new with me
Who has always been here for you
So promise that this will last
And I will say that I will have a blast
With you forever more
She had your heart at one time
But now I have you and I'm ready for the climb
For us to be together

Forever and ever.

[Again, old poem]

[Probably at the end of the school year]

[Written about _ _ _ _ _]

[I really felt that way.]

Goodnight and Goodbye

There once was a girl of fifteen
She was small, petite, and serene
One night as she sat alone at home
She cried as she wrote down this poem
"I loved this boy with all my heart,
When he was sad my heart fell apart
He was my whole life, in a sense
And days without him take endurance
But then he went away
On that fateful day
And left me alone and defenseless
And all I did was have love for him, no less
But he said to me on that fateful day
I've never loved you, no how, no way
So I ripped up the love notes
Then I tore all the mementoes
Leaving nothing left for me
But the one I use to be
For if loving you was insane
Then my mind will never be the same"
And as the girl of fifteen wrote
The words that will never stay afloat
She knew in her heart it was too good to be true
She knew from that start it would all end with you
She told him don't wait
And not to hesitate
To never be late
And to always say it's fate
But he didn't listen
He had no mission
"So I won't shed a tear"
She said with no fear
For life's just begun
It must go on
As she dried her last tear
She looked in the mirror
To see a small face that she did not recognize
Only wanting to hide and not to scrutinize
Wishing only to look in your eyes
So I can see that everything is a lie
That you're still here for me
And that you, too, can see
That together we have a world available
To us if we choose to let it be obtainable
But you tore it apart
And now, I have a broken heart
I hope you're glad
Because now I'm mad
Goodnight and goodbye

Enjoy getting high-I'm off to go die.

[Old Poem again.]

[I was really mad]

[Mainly at Nathaniel]

ILY AJZ

I can't imagine

Life without you because
Of how you make me feel-
Very safe and secure
Every single day of my life.

You are the only
One that I want to have
Upholding me always.

Andrew, my life without you is
Nothing, for you are my
Desire, always protecting me
Readily, and providing
Everlasting love for me,
Weathering through time.

Just never forget how
Amazing you are to
Me, and how
Everyone else who sees us
Should be jealous of us and your

Zeal to be with me.
All together, I'd say I'm
Up in the clouds and
Giddy all because I Love You Andrew James Zaug!

[Old Poem]

[Written on July 28]

[The day before His Birthday]